Fargoland

Doesn't Everyone Enjoy a Dark Comedy?

I hadn’t seen the 1996 movie Fargo in quite some time. In need of a mindless distraction, I stumbled upon it the other night, and decided mostly-forgotten, absurd humor might be a good temporary diversion from reality. Boy, did I bark up the wrong distraction-tree.

A dark comedy by the Coen brothers, Fargo juxtaposes an aggressively pleasant “midwestern nice”, against a growing bodycount of victims murdered by pathologically-stupid kidnappers. Refusing to acknowledge the insanity of the horrific crimes materializing around them, the homespun protagonists (the local police force) simply go on with life in Brainerd, Minnesota as if it’s just another day at the office.

One of the last scenes in the movie epitomizes the preposterous, “you-betcha” deadpan: Chief of Police Marge Gunderson is lecturing one of the kidnappers she has just nabbed, “I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper ... and for what, a little bit of money? There’s more to life than a little bit of money. Don’t cha know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day; well, I just don’t understand it.”

To make the film more believable (and absurdly funny), the Coens utilize an obscure theatrical device (lying) to psychologically validate the bizarre story in the minds of the audience—the opening disclaimer pronouncing Fargo to be a true story. As the movie unfolds, viewers are left with a cringe factor slightly south of revolting, and a laugh-meter significantly north of, “I can’t believe humans can be this stupid.”

Sadly, for my hopes of a Thursday evening distraction, the film landed like an OMG freight train: the Coen brothers had inadvertently predicted 2026 America.

Summarizing my unfortunate realization—occurring about three-quarters into the plot—Americans are currently living in a real-life Fargo: astoundingly lame-brained, heartless criminals (the U.S. President and his administration) bumbling every attempt at a clandestine power-grab; while many of the amused folks of America calmly acknowledge or ignore the fact their almost 250-year-old democracy is being gutted by barbarous morons. In four words: ABSURDLY FUNNY. HORRIFIC. WHATEVER.

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For the sake of analogous integrity (and there-goes-our-democracy amusement), the following real life, Fargo-esque parallels are provided in no particular absurdly funny-horriffic-whatever order. Feel free to laugh and feel nauseated, simultaneously:

• A serial sex offender, overt racist, irrefutable fraud-factory; a professing “I-don’t-read-books” intellectual with a windmills-cause-cancer pedigree—who also happens to have trouble giving coherent speeches, but is good at bragging—gives the 2025 commencement speech at the University of Alabama. Apparently, school administrators believe he will inspire the next generation. Posing as the president of a large democratic republic, he receives a raucous standing ovation. “Good ol’ American higher education. Ya, sounds smart to me.”

  
  

• The U.S. president fires 17 inspector generals—the independent watchdogs responsible for catching government corruption—and never replaces them. “Who needs ‘em, ya? Corruption in government? That’s just far-fetched if you ask me.”

• Two American citizens are shot dead by make-something-out-of nothing, undertrained, overpaid, masked government agents; execution style, in public, on camera. Perpetrators are immediately declared innocent and immune; murdered citizens—who unquestionably aren’t domestic terrorists—are immediately declared “domestic terrorists.” No investigation. No attempt to pursue justice. No apology. “Law and order is super important around here ... don’t cha know, we don’t mess around with criminals.”

• Staring at thousands of pages of incriminating evidence, the Director of the FBI claims there is “no credible information” that Jeffery Epstein ever sex-trafficked women and there is “no broader circle of co-conspirators.” The President of the United States, heavily implicated in the files, states, “Now that nothing came out about me, other than it was a conspiracy against me... it’s time now for the country to maybe get on to something else, like healthcare, or something the people care about.” Exactly. Who-the-heck cares about sex trafficking, rape, the safety of young women, or a presidents connections with pedophiles? “Geeesh! Let other countries prosecute sex crimes ... that’s unpleasant stuff.”

• The U.S. Attorney General, responsible for the Department of Justice, blocks any efforts to prosecute any one associated with the infamous Epstein files, redacting incriminating evidence with hundreds of black rectangles (in case someone she deems important might be guilty). Instead, she “accidentally” releases the names of numerous victims (supposedly protected by privacy laws). Confronted by her anti-justice efforts, she retorts: “The Dow is over $50,000 ... Americans’ 401k’s and retirement savings are booming! That’s what we should be talking about.” Good thing she cleared that up. The redacted Epstein files remain locked in someone’s closet and the AG goes back to prosecuting anyone who disagrees with the president’s agenda—until she is reportedly fired for not prosecuting enough of the president’s political adversaries. Upon her firing, the president calls her, “A great American patriot and a loyal friend.” Gotta love the American justice system.

• The Attorney General for Civil Rights announces a new rule to eliminate hiring disparities against white people in universities and corporations. Most people had forgotten this was a HUGE problem in America. “You betcha ... so many white people, so few opportunities.”

• In an effort to curb government spending, the head of the newly created Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) promptly issues credit cards to federal employees for supplies and travel expenses ...with a $1 credit limit. Months later, feeling the need to ignore his thrifty mandate, the U.S president starts a war with Iran, averaging $1.8 billion per day in expenses (two weeks of war-spending equals NASA’s entire annual budget). “Hey, did ya notice gas prices went up? Geeez, that’s inconvenient.”

• In response to the declaration of war, the Director of National Intelligence—without rhyme, reason, or intelligence to back it up—promptly declares “Islamist Ideology” to be a primary threat to American democracy. Meanwhile, not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense frames the war as a defense of “Western Christian Civilization against Islamic delusions.” Good thing he didn’t mention Armageddon, the Crusades, or “theological combat readiness” ... oh wait, he does. Start a holy war to distract from criminal activities at home? “Nah. Don’t cha know ... it’s just crazed Christian Nationalists attacking crazed Islamic Fanatics.” Mike Rowe, of TV’s popular, Somebody’s Gotta Do It, is asked to consider the war for a future episode.

• After DOGE attempts to access U.S. Treasury Funds—apparently, to spend money it’s supposed to be saving—federal judges block the effort. In response, the Vice President of the United States declares, “Federal judges aren’t allowed to block the presidents executive orders.” Evidently, forgetting how the Constitution of the United States works, the VP believes the president can do whatever he wants. Ignoring those irritating pieces of paper, the VP decides to chair the newly founded “Task Force to Eliminate Fraud,” leaving what-constitutes-fraud up to himself and the president (obviously, he and the president are above any fraudulent, corrupt activity). So far the VP has named 5 blue states they plan to “target” (i.e. freeze federal assistance) with claims of fraud. Red states are excited about the initiative: “Ya know, those people are always trying to rip us off.”

• The Secretary of Defense, overseeing expenses of the Pentagon, has gone on the largest non-defense-related spending spree in US History: According to watchdog groups, $9.4 million on lobster tails and king crab, $225 million on high end furniture. “Hey, everybody has to eat ... and ya gotta have some place to park your carcass after all that food.”

• Over the course of 14 months, The Secretary of Homeland Security spends $220 million dollars of taxpayer funds on TV commercials, portraying herself as the Sheriff of Immigration, delivering cowgirl warnings to immigrants—”Stop coming here and stop watching American TV commercials in a language you don’t understand.” The strategy doesn’t work, but is fantastic entertainment (receiving a nod for great theater). Reportedly fired for overspending a bit too much on her tough-chic brand—momentarily overshadowing the president’s tax-funded tough-guy brand—she claims, “the president approved all the commercials.” The president responds, “I have no idea what she’s talking about” (I mean, who can keep track of all that government spending?; even the $127 million spent on 2 private jets to shuttle her around seemed hard to pin down ... tracking expenses is complicated!). The former secretary is currently reassigned as the “Special Envoy” to the Shield of the Americans, the organization tasked with counter-cartel efforts—where she may develop new connections to the underworld. “Gee whiz, that sounds like a good opportunity for networking.”

• The Secretary of Education is directed by the president to dismantle the Department of Education, which she faithfully discharges by firing nearly half her staff and redirecting 118 core programs to other agencies lacking the expertise or legal mandate to manage them. She also cuts $1 billion in grants for public school counselors and psychologists. “Kids these days ... what, with all the computers, social media and amazing role models, by gosh, who needs adults around. Less is more!”

A few other half-baked head turners:

• The Associate Administrator of FEMA claims he is teleported to a Waffle House, stating, God moved him instantaneously during a “spiritual battle.” Challenged by the media to deny his claims, he doubles down, “Haters gonna hate!”

• The Secretary of Health and Human Services impounds $400 billion for community health funds and scientific research, while utilizing chartered planes for travel rather than those uncomfortable, cheap commercial airliners.

• The Transportation Secretary uses her office to benefit her families shipping business in China, making some hard, cold cash on the side.

• The Secretary of Commerce maintains lucrative connections with Russian oligarchs. There can’t be an easier, non-espionage way to make a buck.

• The Treasury Secretary requests a military jet for his honeymoon. The request is denied—once it is discovered and reported by the media—due to the sketchy appearance of “excessive, illegal spending.”

There’s much, much, much more, but oh my gosh, look at the time …

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Once again, summarizing the prototypical theatrics of our current administration: Vile, self-serving, dunderheaded comedy—blindingly criminal—and shrugged off. Frightfully speaking ... the tip of the Fargo iceberg.

An observer of our developing Fargo-esque republic, a sincere, slightly-concerned Granny recently asked this on Facebook: “Why can’t the president find more qualified people for his cabinet posts?” Perhaps the question she should be asking is: “Why does he keep appointing all these halfwit, juvenile delinquents?” Unfortunately, there seems to be a continental shelf-full of them, applying daily.

Want more histrionics? If you can stomach it, watch the news. While some outlets report it “as-is,” (i.e. without cracking a smile or cringing), other outlets utilize the “new and improved” Fargo-method (just another day with delightfully normal leaders). The daily episodes are a surefire laugh-fest ... and a confident way to set off fight or flight instincts.

If you’re not a fan of political news (and prefer, as many do, to ignore what’s happening), be assured you’ll find out about the Fargoland soon enough (book bans, ICE agents at your front door, a president delivering more genocidal ultimatum’s, loss of voting rights, economic collapse, WWW III).

But no worries. “It’s a beautiful day.”

Common Sense Tips: What can concerned Americans do about the absurdity and corruption? Legally, not much. When the Supreme Court made it impossible to convict the President of the United States for criminal activity (strangely, a legal loop-hole he pursued), they condemned an entire nation to watching Fargo become a reality. Moving forward, a good strategy might be: 1) Bribe a congressman to actually do their job (illegal, but a government-approved technique), 2) Keep speaking truth and common sense to a Fargoed-public (perhaps some will eventually awake from their midwestern-nice stupor), 3) Find a safe place to hide your cash and your voter ID, 4) Pray as if your life, and your country, depended on it.

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